Inside of my cocoon

I am going to try for once to keep this simple. Surprising, I know. It's necessary right now as I am doing what one of my blogging friends calls, "Cocooning". Thanks for sharing that great visual, Amy! It really helps to summarize these times of quietness in our lives. Just as we are all different, each person's cocoon serves a unique purpose.

On the outside, it may appear that I am closed off, hiding, running away, shutting people out, and giving up on life. That, my friends, is far from where I am.

My cocoon is a barrier. It is a protection that I have designed for myself to attempt to keep out any more potentially painful things that may drive me further into my depression.

My cocoon is dark and quiet...not a darkness to be shared with the enemy. A darkness that allows my eyes to only see the small pinpoint of light at the exit. The light that tells me how to find the way out. The quiet helps me focus on the Voice of Truth coming from my savior, and block out the voice of the enemy.

My cocoon leaves me in a state of ALONE. Why? Because it helps me focus on HIM ALONE. Keeps me from wandering around looking for the answers in the world around me. I sometimes need to be alone in that way, so that I am forced to look only at His face.

My cocoon is my growing place. It is where God takes me when He has broken me down and is preparing my heart to be grown in ways I have never experienced. Being broken leaves us vulnerable, fragile, and often in pain. The cocoon is God's way of giving us time to heal and grow in the ways that will make us the strongest.

Most importantly, I want you all to understand that when the time comes for me to emerge from my cocoon, I need to do it on my own. I shared a story on my friend's blog when she talked about this "cocooning" that she does as well. This story was of a moth cocoon that a man stumbled upon. He took the cocoon home and waited for the day that the beautiful creature would emerge. The day finally came and he watched as the tiny moth pushed against the threads that wound the cocoon so tightly. As the moth worked and worked he eventually created a large enough opening to push himself through. However, the man grew concerned when it seemed that these two remaining threads were making it very difficult for the moth to emerge completely. So he grabbed some scissors, snipped those last two threads, and set the moth free. To his dismay, over the next few days, he watched as the moth dragged his wet, limp wings around behind him. For some reason he was unable to spread his beautiful wings and fly as the man had wished he would see him do. What he learned later was this; the final two threads on that cocoon, were designed to push the fluid from the body of the moth into the wings, giving them life and allowing them to soar. The "merciful" snip of the threads had in fact led to the demise of the moth and kept him from ever fully developing as he was intended to.

I tell you all of that to remind you that even though it may be hard to watch me struggle with this depression at times, please keep in mind that God is still at work in me. I'm not saying don't step in if you feel the need is too great. I am simply trying to help you find comfort in knowing that I have placed myself in a cocoon that is safely in the Father's hands. The cocoon may appear to be harsh, deserting, or isolating at times, but it is exactly as it should be. The safe haven God has taught me how to build so I can protect myself and get through these times of trial for me.

Thank you in advance for your concern and prayers. I appreciate your love and encouragement and know that you will be there to provide just that when the time comes soon for me to emerge once again from my cocoon. Just please don't try and spare me the struggle of those last few threads! God has placed them there for my benefit and they will help me grow....even if it is painful for you to watch me push through it.