Find Your Wings

Well, the first holiday as a split family has come and gone and I'm happy to say we survived. Not unscathed.....but we survived nonetheless. We had originally planned to try and put our differences aside for the holidays so that we could spend them together for the sake of the children. Many people encouraged me, saying what a great idea this was and how nice we could have the maturity to handle the challenge. On Wednesday, however, I had one friend advise against it for a variety of reasons and I didn't quite understand why. I think I understand now....lol. Ray and I may be mature enough to handle our differences, but we failed to recognize that there is still so much passionate tension behind those areas of conflict. So, needless to say, dinner was a bit tense and the evening gave way to a very heated argument. This sent me reflecting upon my life and the place I am now standing. I don't think anyone ever imagines something like this will happen to them. It's easy to stand together at that altar and vow to be there for each other "for better or for worse". Putting it into practice is a whole new ball game and a challenging one at that. When you make those promises to have and to hold and are blinded by the love you are feeling at the time, you can say with confidence, "We'll never have to worry about dealing with divorce. We will be together forever." Then the storm comes. The winds blow. The rain beats down on you. Things change....permanently. The life you once knew is now gone. Shattered into pieces of a broken heart, broken home, broken promises, and broken dreams. It's accompanied by overwhelming emotional ups and downs, as I'm sure you can imagine. The relief of finally coming to the end of the fighting, the hurting, and the heart ache. While you grieve the loss of the "dream family" that you once saw as a reality....if only for a short moment in time.

As I thought these things over yesterday, watching the kids play, I fought back the tears. I wanted so much more for them. I wanted them to have the "good life". I wanted them to have a better childhood than I did. I wanted my children to be happy. How can that happen now, Lord? How will they get through this and persevere? How will they ever overcome the challenging emotions they will have to deal with as a result of their parents' divorce? The answer that came to me was simple. I'm not in control, HE IS IN CONTROL. The "perfect world" I wanted to create for my children simply does not exist. The "semi-charmed" kind of life I used to joke of having, was only a glimpse of how wonderful things can be when we let God take over our lives. That is how my children will be happy. That is how they will get through and persevere. That is how they will overcome. That is how they will grow to be strong children of God that I hope they will be. All that is asked of me now, is the same that was asked of me when I decided to bring them into this life. Pray for them. Pray not just for the moments in their lives or the things He will provide for them. Pray for their hearts. The most important thing we can do as parents is to pray. Pray for their salvation. It is a choice, after all. We each have that moment in our lives when we come to a crossroads and have to decide which way to go in our faith. I can raise my children in the Lord, wish for them to have a joined two parent household with the "picture perfect" family. Yet that would never be enough. The best and only thing I need to do is pray that they will continue to walk in the faith and follow Him.

I put together a brief slideshow of some of my favorite pictures of the kids. A few of them are older because I cherish them so much, but most are current. Make sure you have the volume up on your computer as there is also a song. I like to notice the sparkle in their eyes in these photos and realize that they are resilient and strong. God will get them through this trial just as He is helping Ray and myself through this trial. They will find their roots, not in a "typical" family, but in the family of Christ. Those roots are just what they need to find their wings and soar.

Make a Smilebox slideshow