Happy Birthday Daniel!

Today's posting is in honor and celebration of two dear friends of ours, Bonnie and Patrick, and their sweet little Daniel John who would be celebrating his second birthday today.

On this day two years ago, I received a joyous call from Patrick, letting us know of little Daniel's arrival. I waited anxiously for more details so I could find out where to visit. However, before I could even make it up to the hospital to congratulate them, I received another phone call telling me that Daniel didn't make it through the night. I was speechless. I had known, as so many did, that there was a concern for Daniel's health since early in the pregnancy. However, I never truly knew the magnitude or severity of it all. We had prayed for months, hoped for the best, and now watched our friends face the unthinkable. Having to say goodbye to a child. Amazingly, in the few hours of his life, Daniel had more of an impact than I think I have ever had!

He taught us about life. From before the time Daniel was even conceived, God knew him, every last detail, down to the very birth defect that took his life. When Bonnie and Patrick learned of the odds against him, they chose instead to look at the possibilities. Rather than taking the choice into their own hands and terminating the pregnancy, they decided to give life a chance. The prior would have probably been less painful for them, much easier than having to meet him face to face and say goodbye so quickly. Yet, they chose life. They chose to give Daniel a chance at life and let God have the control.

He taught us about selflessness. I watched Bonnie and Patrick go through months of doctor's appointments, testing, ultrasounds, research, and worries. They sacrificed time with their other child to accomplish these things. They sacrificed financially when Bonnie had to be on bed rest. They sacrificed of themselves time and time again simply to give this little life the honor and respect he deserved. They recognized the true meaning of being a parent...putting your child first.

He taught us about time. Though Daniel only had a few hours with us, he was able to show us how important it is to not take this life for granted. Life on earth for Daniel was literally a breath, a wink, a short moment in time. Yet, what we don't realize, but will someday soon, is that ours is just as short. Sometimes we get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of our daily grind that we fail to stop and appreciate the moments we have. However, it is so important to take life one day at a time and live it to the fullest. Rather than always striving to have more, do more, be more, we need to accept and rejoice in where we are. Daniel reminded me how important it is to sit and read an extra book to my children. He reminded me how important it is to give my husband hugs, "just because". He reminded me to say what's on my mind and not wait until tomorrow. You don't know if tomorrow will be there! Now you know why I talk so much! I don't want to let a moment slip by without letting my loved ones know how important they are to me and how much of an impact they are having in the lives of those around them.

Most importantly, he taught us about joy. As I watched Bonnie and Patrick at Daniel's memorial service, I couldn't help but notice the joy that seemed to shine through, even in the darkest moments of grief. Though they both hurt so much and longed to have their little man in their arms, every time they talked about him, I could see their eyes light up. They may not have known it, but I saw it. It's the joy that comes from having been given even just a moment with your precious child. It's the joy that comes from memorizing his face, his hands, his feet, every detail, not taking any of it for granted. It's the joy that comes from knowing he is now healed. It's the joy that comes from knowing he is forever safe in the arms of the Father. It's the joy that comes from knowing one day he will be waiting on the other side of that gate for them when the Father calls each of them home. That, my friends is true joy. Not joy in the temporary, joy in the eternal. The place we will one day be together again and throw those darn tissues away!!

So, Bonnie and Patrick, I thank you. For letting us be a part of your lives and letting Daniel be a part of ours. He truly was a gift to so many and his life will never be forgotten.

Daniel, Happy Birthday, little man! I know you don't even need candles for your birthday cake...you have the light of the Savior to make your face shine! Save a spot for me in paradise, buddy! I want front row seats!

At the bottom of this page is my playlist. Take a minute if you can to scroll to the bottom of the list of songs. Bonnie and Patrick chose to play the song, "Held" by Natalie Grant, at Daniel's memorial service. In memory of Daniel I would like to dedicate that song and the last one on my list, "I can only imagine". We look forward to the day we can truly be Held in the Father's arms as we can only imagine how truly glorious it is!

Listening to the Voice

As many of you already know, I have recently begun the process of applying for jobs. I have spent the last 4 years as a private tutor so I could make my own hours, work less, and be home with my children. Though God has used this business in many great ways during that time, I reached the conclusion within the past few weeks that it's season is coming to an end. As I'm sure you can understand, this has been a VERY hard decision for me. Let me back up a little bit just to help give you a bigger picture.

Throughout my teaching career up to this point, I have had the opportunity to interact with many different people in a large variety of environments. In my last full time job, I would go into childcare centers to observe children that were having a difficult time and provide feedback for the teachers. Though I met many wonderful teachers and childcare providers at the time, I was able to draw a conclusion for myself that guided me with my own children. I saw how critical those early years are for development and how important it is for us as parents to have as much of a role as possible. For that reason, Ray and I made the decision then that when we decided to start a family, I would aim to stay home with them. What started out as "I would like to stay home with our children", soon developed into, "I WILL stay home with our children." For one reason or another the Lord had weighed it heavy on my heart that His intention for our family was to have me be a stay-at-home mom, at least for a time. I realized I was fortunate to have the opportunity to explore tutoring as a source of income so that I would be away from the children as little as possible. Not all parents have the option to stay at home, and I have seen how difficult this can be for those of you who feel torn between your job and your family. My encouragement to you is not to be disheartened at the place God has put you. I truly believe it is the quality of time you spend with your children, not the quantity!

Which leads me to my next season of life. Over the past year, I have noticed my tutoring business beginning to really struggle. Blame it on the recession, if you will, but I choose to believe that it simply is time. Time to change my focus, time to move forward, time to begin a new chapter of my life. God has given me this year to reveal to me a variety of reasons why I should no longer continue working from home. It has taken quite a bit of coaxing, and encouragement from my family and friends, but I have finally made the decision to return to teaching!

Even though I know this decision is from the Spirit's guiding, I still struggle with those little doubts in the back of my mind trying to talk me out of it. I heard the song, "Voice of Truth", the first one on my playlist at the bottom of this page, one day as I drove around to my different appointments. I could not believe how accurately the song depicted the battle I was currently facing! Don't you love when that happens? The enemy, or "giant", called out my name and laughed at me, reminding me of the struggles I had in my first teaching job. "You'll never win. You'll never win," he told me. He made me feel I would be failing my children if I chose to leave them, even with family, to return to the calling I believed the Lord had for me. The same enemy that tried to convince me not to leave my job to stay home in the first place, was now changing his lines to fit my current decision. Then it dawned on me.....no matter what I decide to do in life, when I have taken my guidance from the Lord, the enemy is going to be there as well. He will be whispering in my ear trying to make me change my mind. You know why? He doesn't want me to do anything that is for God's glory!! It takes away his defeat of me! Well, guess what, satan...you lose again!!

I ask for your prayers as I face the next challenge in this step which is actually finding a job. Pray for my diligence to continue looking for and applying to jobs. Pray for my discernment to know which job may be for me. Pray for my patience, to simply wait on the Lord and allow Him to guide me to where He wants me. Most importantly, pray that I will continue to listen to the voice of truth....He tells my story and knows where it goes!

What's that mean, Julie?

Ok. So here I am starting a blog. Everyone is doing it...so I thought I'd join the bandwagon. I guess I'm a follower not a leader. However, I would tend to call myself a skeptic follower...it takes me a little more time to decide that I actually do want to follow!

Your first question is probably why I chose this title for my blog. It's pretty simple actually. Not too long ago we sang a worship song in church with that title and it hit home for me pretty hard. I've posted the lyrics to the song on the sidebar of my page since I am unable to add it to my playlist. However, it is available on Itunes so you can get it there. So, take a minute and read the lyrics before you continue reading this post!

Pretty awesome, huh? It was one of those Sundays where I came so empty and needing to be filled. We had hit an all time low with our finances and I really struggled to see where God was going to provide for us. Before they passed the offering plate I kept thinking, "I have nothing to give. I have nothing to put in the offering. We have so little as it is. How can I spare anything?" When the very first lines to the song came up on the screen my heart fell to my feet. It was so clear to me then that I really did have nothing! Everything came from His hands and belonged to Him alone. Why should I grasp tightly and fearfully to the small amount we had thinking it would never be enough. We have NOTHING to give that didn't first come from HIS hand!! At that instant I opened my wallet and removed the remaining $80 dollars I had. It was all I had for the week. Where we would get the money to put gas in the car or purchase any additional groceries...I really didn't know! However, when the spirit moves in you, I have learned never to ignore it!! No surprise, that week I ended up running in to some "extra" and unexpected income that was able to provide above and beyond what we needed.

For that reason, since that day I have made it my goal to live each day simply recognizing that everything comes from His hand. Everything! My life mission is to use the things the Lord gives me for His glory and nothing else. I may not always do that perfectly, but I strive to! Thus, each posting I place in this blog will tell the stories of how I am simply "Breathing the Breath He gave me to breathe", to worship Him! Whether it be through the precious moments with my family or simply being given the things that I need to live each day. It is all from His hand and I can only give back to Him everything I have!

Thank you so much for coming along with me on this journey of living each day, breathing in and breathing out. One step and one day at a time. We are here for such a short time! Let's make the most of it!