The Year of the Battle

As I sat last night and watched the ball drop, my mind thought back over the past year and all that it entailed. The only word that kept coming to mind to sum it all up was "Battle". This year has been a battle on so many fronts for me. I've fought hard, been battered and bruised, and am worn out from all the arrows that have been thrown my way. Quite frankly I am relieved to have the year over and done with. My finances hit their all time low, my depression plummeted to the lowest depths it has ever been, and the next thing I knew, my marriage was ending. I have felt at times as if Satan came along and ripped the rug out from under me, sending my world spiraling out of control. I think of the times that I used to look at my life and smile at how well things were going. However, always, always waiting for the 'other shoe to drop' as it so often has done in my life. Well 2009 was a big shoe and it has dropped.

In response, all I have to say is, Satan has not won. This battle may rage on in my heart and soul as I still fight the powers of evil that try to bring me down every day. However, they will never win. I will always and forever hold on to the hand of my sweet Savior. I know He is there and He is guiding me to higher ground as we speak. I long for that ground. To feel the breeze in my hair once again. To feel the sunlight hit my face as it warms me up and brings me comfort and rest. The days of living my life footloose and fancy free are gone for now and have been replaced with challenges and strife. My heart knows that He longs to place my feet on solid ground and that He is getting me there one step and one day at a time. I am confident that 2010 will bring me closer to that goal. Each step, each day, I feel myself drawing closer to where I need to be and further from where the evil one taunts me and tries to bring me down.

In the meantime, a dear friend has reminded me that it's ok for me to hurt, cry, get angry, feel pain, and grieve the loss of the life I once had. These are all feelings and emotions that God feels with me and He understands why I am struggling right now. No matter what, I am His child and He longs to hold me. Growing up I used to listen to the following song quite often as my parents would play it in the car. I never quite understood the lyrics back then to the extent that I do now. I think He was hiding His words in my heart so that I might remember that He is always there for His children. May the words bless you and bring you comfort as they have for me. Be patient with me, I'm still healing. In time, my friends, in time. I will soon return to the Julie you know and love. For now, I'm facing battles and just need to head on home to heal. This song is on my playlist for you to listen to.

The Warrior is a Child

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Unafraid because His armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
the warrior is a child

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and look up for a smile
'Cause deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
The Warrior is a Child

God bless you and be with you into the coming year.  I pray we all feel His loving arms around us in every
 battle we may face.